According to a recent study, narcissists’ disruptive actions often result in their exclusion from social circles, and if they feel alienated, their haughty and violent tendencies will only get worse.
You can probably think of a few politicians or celebrities who exhibit entitlement, lack empathy, and constantly want praise if you don’t know any narcissists. Grandiose narcissists, sometimes referred to as overt narcissists, are especially well-known for their excessive desire for attention and exaggerated sense of self-importance,
which may sound like the characteristics of the person you just thought of. Grandiose narcissists depend on charm and deception to succeed, in contrast to covert narcissists who conceal their actions with self-pity.
Grandiose narcissists are more prone than those with less egocentric tendencies to feel shunned and to be truly excluded, according to a recent study. In order to determine why narcissists face greater degrees of exclusion, the study, which was published Thursday in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, looked at 77,000 people from a variety of studies, controlled experiments, and real-world situations.
How exclusion and narcissism reinforce each other
In social situations, narcissists frequently exhibit disruptive behaviors like violence or arrogance, which gradually make others more likely to distance themselves. According to the study, these egocentric people are also extremely sensitive to social status and unclear indicators, which increases their likelihood of perceiving exclusion even when it isn’t occurring.
According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist in Los Angeles who treats patients with narcissistic personality disorder and is the author of several books on the subject, including “It’s Not You: Identifying and Healing From Narcissistic People,” “narcissistic people have a very thin-skinned quality, so if they even get a whiff that they are being left out, they’re going acutely aware of that.” It involves glancing at or disliking a social media post.
Durvasula, who was not engaged in the study, pointed out that these perceived slights are typically inadvertent; for example, someone may be too busy to interact with a post or turn away without noticing. However, friends, relatives, or coworkers may begin to shun narcissists due to their conduct when they overreact to perceived acts of exclusion.
Durvasula suggests a tactic called disengagement, which is purposefully removing contact or exchanges, to deal with narcissists. Although narcissists frequently view this conduct as exclusionary, it might be essential for your emotional well-being.
When shunned, narcissists often see themselves as victims. Christiane Büttner, the lead study author and social psychologist at the University of Basel in Switzerland, claimed that this victim mindset exacerbates their hostile actions and drives individuals even farther apart.
“This implies that ostracism has an impact on narcissists beyond their immediate experiences — it may influence their personality development in ways that sustain exclusion in the future,” Büttner said.
Durvasula pointed out that although the new study looked at people with high narcissism test scores, it did not target people with pathological narcissism. According to her, those with clinical narcissistic personality disorder would experience the negative impacts of narcissism and exclusion to an even greater degree.
Those with high levels of narcissistic admiration, who seek attention and status in socially engaging ways rather than isolating themselves, are less likely to be shunned than those who display narcissistic rivalry, seeing others as competitors and acting more aggressively, according to Büttner’s study. In the dynamics of the workplace, this trend is very prevalent.
According to Durvasula, “narcissistic people actually have a natural social perceptiveness, which is why they can be quite successful in leadership and business.” But narcissists usually only employ this tactic when it suits them, and they usually place the blame elsewhere.
Can narcissists change?
Early intervention is necessary for narcissistic behaviors. This proactive approach is difficult because, as Durvasula said, “social exclusion is harder to control outside of the classroom, such as when a child is not invited to a birthday party.” Schools should try to enforce anti-bullying regulations to counteract such behavior.
To watch out for the child who might not be blending in with their friends, Durvasula stated, “I believe that anti-bullying practices should be just as much about anti-ostracism behaviors.” Without treatment, children who exhibit narcissistic qualities may find it more difficult to change as adults and may see an increase in their narcissistic tendencies.
Narcissists require regular therapeutic assistance in order to get better. Durvasula adds that therapists need to be aware of developmental traumas, childhood environments, attachment problems, and any other psychological elements that might have contributed to the development of their narcissistic personality.
According to Durvasula, “generally, sadness or anxiety is the (final straw) that gets a narcissistic person to therapy, but they will still frequently pin it to something happening outside of them.” “My spouse treats me badly, I can’t get a promotion, I don’t have enough money, and my boss is never fair to me.”
Deep breathing techniques, mindfulness meditation, and rephrasing negative thoughts can help narcissists develop healthier coping mechanisms to avoid future rejection, while social skills training or cognitive behavioral therapy can help them confront assumptions that others are excluding them, Büttner said.
Dealing with a narcissistic relationship
Although the study mostly looked at instances of narcissism in the workplace, Durvasula stated that because of the deeper emotional history involved, dealing with a narcissist in a family or friend circle is frequently more difficult.
Durvasula recommends yellow rocking, also known as empathic disengagement, as a tactic for dealing with narcissists in both personal and professional contexts. This involves maintaining a kind and pleasant demeanor but avoiding overperforming or compromising your mental health in order to appease them.
Because they can’t be relied upon, narcissists in both personal and professional relationships make it difficult for others to deal with their disruptive activities and take on more obligations.
This could appear as a narcissistic coworker not contributing to a team of five in a professional situation. Because they are afraid of the response, other team members can be reluctant to confront this individual and end up doing their fair part of the work instead, Durvasula said.
Because they can’t rely on a narcissist to fulfill commitments, like picking someone up from the airport, family members frequently devise backup plans to prevent last-minute mayhem. Durvasula stated that it is up to the individual to decide when to completely disconnect.
After a few bad encounters, some people might need to break up relationships, while family members may put up with some narcissists’ behavior for years or even decades.